A mage and a warlock walk into a bar05.05.2010
For a long time, I thought warlocks, by definition, were angry short blokes with weird hair. I’m sure that this is a forgiveable misconception, but then again, my ‘lock is, well, an angry short bloke with only slightly sensible hair but weird glasses. If you looked around Dun Morogh, that is par for the course.
Opposed to that, the civil, gentlemanly appearance of mages, as usually portrayed by… well… I don’t even know any vocal mage blogs, to be honest. But I’m certain, if I knew some, they’d be all lounging in front of a fire in a library, sipping Earl Grey and discussing the finer points of the magical arts. There are exceptions, but those are eccentric rather than angry, and are generally well tolerated, if a bit vertically challenged.
However, barging in and complaining loudly about the fact that every chair is about too sizes too big, come the ‘locks. If you haven’t been watching, Felfire has a contest running that seems determined to take mages down a size or two. Gnomeaggedon followed suit with the exact opposite. The Parliament has offered a more democratic view on the issue, though I got the impression that the representative of the druid faction didn’t quite take it seriously. Of course, a laughing third party could be the priests, as witnessed over at the Lazy Sniper.
So where do I stand in all this? Let’s take a look at my schizophrenic menagerie of alts and meet two of them, after the break!
Y. (my Gnomish warlock, 28)
B. (my Human mage, 20)
For safety reason, this chat was held in a secluded area of my brain that I was using to store old episodes of Star Trek. Over the course of the interview, some may have been damaged, but I’m fairly certain those were only Wesley bits anyway, so no loss there.
Y.: I’m not angry!
B.: But you are short!
Y.: I’m not even a bloke!
B.: Nobody is perfect.
Y.: Is that sexism I hear?
B.: No, just facts, ma’am.
Y.: Yeah? Well, you still play all alone, while I have mighty minions that do my bidding!
B.: Please, as if I should envy you for sending an ugly blue blob into the fray…
Y.: That ugly blue blob is my faithful servant! I barter the souls of the vanquished to summon him from the pits of hell!
B.: That just means you are inefficient. If you were a mage, you would have enough power to deal with monsters on your own, instead of relying on hellspawn to save your hide.
Y.: Coming from someone who whines for a band-aid every time he gets hit by something heavier than a quill…
B.: I do not whinge! I voice my needs in a concise manner!
Y.: Sounds like whining to me.
B.: At least I have more than one offensive spell at my disposal. Shadowbolt, that is all you have.
Y.: I don’t need more. And I can throw all kinds of dots on my enemies and then watch and laugh as they die.
B.: You mean run away while hoping your minion does not aggravate the other dozen monsters in the vicinity? Or should I mention that you seem to be compensating for other short-comings with your wannabe dominatrix Succubus?
Y.: Why, you, you.. ooohhhhh!
At this point, my resident expert on angry short blokes, a Dwarf paladin, intervened by declaring that Dwarves have the monopoly on being angry and short, while paladins are the staple of gentlemanliness and sophistication – so by logical conclusion a Dwarf paladin is the best caster class.
Since neither warlock nor mage could argue against two tons of plate armour and a hammer bigger than its wielder, they readily agreed.